musings

Just had to write this down - so funny.





Wyatt and Nora are busy playing with the bean tray. I am in the kitchen preparing for the day.


Persi: (in a stern voice to Nora and Wyatt) Go in the kitchen! GO!


Ella: (calling from the kitchen) Persi wants Nora and Wyatt to go in the kitchen. Persi? Will you say that in a friendly way? You can invite your friends to come in the kitchen with you.


Persi: (to Wyatt with sweet voice) Wyatt, you come in kitchen?


Wyatt: no


Persi gets frustrated and tries to pick him up.


Ella: (now in the living room, with quiet sing-song voice) Wyatt can say yes. Wyatt can say no. Wyatt can say maybe so.


Nora: I can say yes or no, too.


Persi: (standing now with arms waving open, her voice dramatic and sweet and strong) Friends! In the kitchen we eat snack!





I couldn't help it - I burst out laughing. I wonder what would have happened without that interference. I asked, "Who wants snack?" and all said, "Me!" And we all clean up the beans (teamwork!) and go in the kitchen for snack.





All this has me thinking about leadership and authority, manipulation, persuasion, and the balance of power. To be invited to do what I want you to do offers you a choice. If I ask and you say no, I do the sometimes difficult work of letting go of the outcome. As an adult, leading this little tribe I am responsible for, I often must communicate "what we are doing" with no choice involved. I have a handful of skills that creates an atmosphere of cooperation and harmony, such as acknowledging the child's message, "You say 'no, no, I don't want to' you really don't want to!" often diffuses resistance and the child will comply with my request once he/she feels heard.



In case your wondering what the kids are doing while I'm sitting here musing, check it out:
We made blue play dough today!



I think there's a bit of "election blues" in all this, too! Will we ever get to the point in public decision-making where we can communicate clearly, acknowledge the other position and make choices based on the good of all concerned?

As one of my teachers would say, "Stay in the question!"
I don't have answers. One question leads to the other and I try to be present and aware of as much as possible in each moment. I'm aware that the simple things I try to model for the kids: that I am intently listening without judgement, that I care about their tender feelings, that I will always do everything I can to maintain safety for all, that I will provide a peaceful space to be in by maintaining a dependable rhythym to the day, that I will never condone violence . . . . . these simple things are NOT present in our public, shared space. As we try our best to maintain harmony in our homes and treat each other with respect, we are in dissonance with the prevailing culture. That's why creating community, creating culture is so vital. That's a big reason I'm so delighted ddoing this work.

Meanwhile, the kids are done with play dough, and I gotta go!

I'd love to hear your thoughts on all of this!